sex and low back pain

Let's face it, sooner or later, most people will develop some type of low back pain, even if it is temporary.  This will have a significant impact on your ability to have a satisfying sexual relationship.  We all know the phrase "honey, not tonight, I've got a headache."  Well, back pain can be equally incapacitating, and no one can feel it but you.  Often back pain will interfere with one's job as well as interpersonal relationships.  Needless to say, this takes a toll on one's feeling of self worth, and when one adds to this the potential impact on a sexual relationship, and possibly one's own feeling of masculinity or femininity, the problem is compounded. 

This is a problem which will affect people of all ages and genders.  Don't think it is a problem just of the elderly.  Younger people may develop these problems as well.  It is important not to ignore the feelings but to discuss them.  Left unaddressed, festering frustrations will develop, and more difficult problems will arise. 

Try to emphasize the non physical aspects of the relationship.  Talking, communicating, hugging, kissing, massaging are all pain free, and can take away much of the emotional and physical stress of sex. 

When attempting the physical aspects of the relationship, try to use a firm surface.  Ease into sex gradually.  It is not necessary to accomplish intercourse for a couple to experience a gratifying relationship.  Talk about things, and find a comfortable position.  Lying flat on one's back puts strain on the lumbar spine.  Instead, try a pillow under the knees, keeping the legs slightly bent.  This will take some of the pressure off the low back.  A small roll under the curve of the lumbar spine may also be of benefit.  If one is on their side, support the upper knee with a pillow to keep strain off the hip. 

Most of the positions of lying, kneeling, and sitting can be reasonably accomplished without risking back injury, if done carefully, paying attention to any pains or strains which develop.  The body doesn't lie, and if the position is awkward, your body will tell you.  Listen to your body!! 

In summary, don't feel guilty.  Do communicate with your partner.  Don't be afraid to try different positions.  Do use pillows and cushions as needed, and have an ample supply ready before going into the bedroom.  Don't use a soft surface such as a sofa.  Do emphasize the non physical aspects of the relationship.  Do call your doctor if pain persists or worsens.

After surgery on the lumbar spine, you may be in pain for a number of days or weeks, depending upon the nature of the operation.  Refrain from sex until the pain improves.  Even then, use moderation and good judgement.  Ask your doctor about what you can and can't do.  The first few weeks of recovery from a back operation are often the most important, in shaping the eventual surgical outcome.